Prayer for Our Husbands

I preference this blog post by stating that I indeed have my hubby's permission to share this story.  You see, my life is an open book on this blog.  I share my deepest emotions, moments of excruciating pain and of awe-inspiring joy, and photos of the ones I love the most.  I pray that through honestly sharing my life with you all, the tears, the joys, the anxious moments, and more, that I am able to make a positive impact in this dark world.  But if any of you know my wonderful husband, Travis, it's a bit of a different story.  He's a quiet guy who's just fine listening to conversations rather than joining in.  He's very reflective and likes to think things through before expressing his opinions.  He's the type who will answer questions honestly if you ask, but he won't necessarily just come out and start a conversation about too much, especially his emotions.  I wouldn't want Travis to be any other way, but I felt the need to let my readers know that he has given me permission to share this with you all.

Travis has been a Church attender since he was a little guy.  His Mom made sure that he knew Jesus, and I respect my Mother-in-law so much for the emphasis she placed on that as Travis grew up.  But he hasn't always been the most open about his walk with Christ.  I'm kind-of ashamed to say this, but we weren't the type of dating couple that did Bible Studies together and had deep conversations about God.  We've both had our individual relationships with Christ, but he's generally not too willing to talk about his faith, especially outside of Bible study or with his buddies. 

Travis is a servant, though, and has served communion for a couple years at our church and is always willing to help whenever needed.  This year, he was voted onto our church's Board as a Deacon.  He's only served a couple months in this way, but was asked to give the communion meditation this past Sunday.  The week before, he reminded me that he had to do it and I told him to let me know if he needed any help.  We didn't talk about it again until Saturday night, when I asked him if he had anything prepared.  He said "Yes, but you'll hear it when everyone else does."  I was nervous Sunday morning, as I didn't know what he had prepared.  All I could do was pray that God give him the words. 

As Travis walked up to the platform and took the covers off the communion trays, I was frozen in disbelieve that my husband was giving a meditation in front of people.  This is the man who a few years ago wouldn't even pray in Bible Study.  But there he was, standing at the front of the church.  He started off by preferencing that he's a little nervous because this is the first time he's given the meditation.  He went on to share the story of how he was talking to the guys at work about how he was asked to give the communion meditation at church.  A young co-worker of his, who's new to his faith and a baby in Christ, said he was surprised to discover that Travis was a believer.  He said that he would have never guessed that Travis went to Church.  Travis shared with the congregation how this really hit him and made him realize how little he shares his walk with Christ.  The men he spends 40+ hours with each week, some weeks more time with than his family, didn't even know that he was a Christ-follower.  Travis said he was really using this as a wake-up call, and challenged us to do so as well. 

Some of us live in such a way that those around us wouldn't separate us as Christians.  Some of us proclaim the name of Christ loudly, and then choose behaviors that make others question whether being a Christ-follower even matters.  I pray that his story makes as much of an impact on you as it did to me. 

My husband's words shook my core.  You see, I have been whispering quiet prayers to God for Travis for many years; prayers for his choices and actions, for his patience, for his career, and for his faith-walk.  I am overjoyed to see such honest and open words pour from his mouth.  And I pray that his faith in and relationship with Christ only continues to deepen.  Prayer matters, ladies, and I challenge you tonight to say a quick prayer for your husband.  Be his helper.  Forgive him.  Live in purity and faith so much that they are won over to Christ because of it (1 Peter 3:2). 

Wives, please join me tonight as we pray for our husbands:

Lord God, I come to you tonight in prayer for the man whom I was created for- as you said woman is made from the rib of the man.  I pray that I am the best helper I can be for him, as you created me to serve in this way.  I thank you for a husband who will love me even as Christ loved the church.  Father, you said that the head of every man is Christ, and tonight I pray that my husband give control of his life to you.  Lord, I pray that he be a godly leader in our family and lead our children to you.  I thank you for all the things my husband does to make our home stable and safe.  I pray that you give him knowledge, wisdom, and strength so that he can make godly choices in our home and in his workplace.  Silence all other voices in his mind, and his social circle that would tear him down and please give him confidence and boldness in you Lord. Let him be a man of influence for you, dear God.  Help him to be a light in this dark world.  Again, I thank you for my husband.  I ask all these things in Jesus' Holy name.  Amen. 

That's What Faith Can Do

This song is so perfect for today, as a friend also battling cancer was given terrible news about her prognosis and my Father-in-law is in the ICU with a medical condition.  As I sat at my desk at work and this song came across Pandora, all I could do was cry and thank God for His faithfulness and gentle reminder that my big faith  in Him can indeed move mountains, heal the sick, and cause miracles to happen.  Please pray with me today for Sharri and Ed!

Please enjoy the following lyrics from Kutless' song "That's What Faith Can Do"

Everybody falls sometime

Gotta find the strength to rise 
From the ashes 
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache 
You think it's more than you can take 
But you're stronger 
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now 
The sun will soon be shining 
You gotta face the clouds 
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains 
Hope that doesn't ever end 
Even when the sky is falling 
I've seen miracles just happen 
Silent prayers get answered 
Broken hearts become brand new 
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard 
Impossible is not a word 
It's just a reason 
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death 
When they decide to take that step 
Out on the water It'll be alright

Life is so much more 
Than what your eyes are seeing 
You will find your way 
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains 
Hope that doesn't ever end 
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen 
Silent prayers get answered 
Broken hearts become brand new 
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds 
You don't have a chance 
(That's what faith can do) 
When the world says you can't 
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains 
Hope that doesn't ever end 
Even when the sky is falling 
And I've seen miracles just happen 
Silent prayers get answered 
Broken hearts become brand new 
That's what faith can do 
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes 
You will have the strength to rise

Tonight, I Ask For Prayer

Tonight, I'm blogging to simply as you for prayer.  You see, I had a rough visit to the doctor today and am kind of down tonight as a result. I am being heavily attacked by Satan and could really use your prayers for God's peace on my life.

 

My oncology doctor has been offered a position at Penn State as the Director of their cancer clinic.  This is a wonderful opportunity for him and I am thankful for the time I was able to spend as his patient.  In the period until they find a replacement, Dr. Carlisle, my former oncologist, who retired this year, is coming out of retirement to help care for Dr. Hohl's patients.  I very much respect and trust my current doctor so it was hard news for me to take that yet again I will be switching.

 

Because of how much I respect him, I asked Dt. Hohl his opinion of what he would recommend if all continues to look good on my brain scans (my next scan is in March).  He said that with my aggressive form of brain cancer, he would like to see me continue chemo for an extended time (potentially through next April), since my body is handling it well and if finances would allow.  But he is concerned if I stop chemo too soon another tumor will resurface quickly. So, it seems as if I might be continuing chemo for awhile longer. Of course, this is not the course that I must definitely take and depends of many factors including my scan in March and Dr. Carlisle's opinion. 

 

I am struggling tonight most of all due to the the stress of the financial burden that continuing chemo for another year would place on us.  We are currently paying $300 out-of-pocket each month for my five nights of Chemo on top of a substantial insurance premium.  We are simply not mathematically able to put $300 in our monthly budget for the next year.  However, I MUST trust that God will provide every need, including this. 

 

Although I'm just slightly overwhelmed this evening at all of this new information, I knew directly what to turn to: Godly Friends and God's Word.  Right away after returning home from my appointment, I tore open my Bible and dug deep into the Word, as well as emailed some important Christian mentors asking them to pray for me.  I know that I must fully turn this situation over to the Author of this story!  Please pray for me to do just that. 

 

In closing, I end with some verses that helped me through tonight:

 

"Submit to God and you will have peace; then things will go well for you." ~Job 22:21

 

"The Lord gives his people strength.  The Lord blesses them with peace." ~Psalm 29:11

 

"But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm." ~Proverbs 1:33

 

"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank him for all he's done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hears and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

 

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." ~1 Peter 4:12

Update

We decided that since it's been almost a month (a month tomorrow actually) since my surgery, I should be fine not having someone with me all the time.  Our community and church has been amazing, in providing all of our meals since we have been home.  Danielle, my super amazing best friend, also worked out a schedule so that I had people sitting with me and helping me with things around the house until I felt strong enough to be home by myself.  I have honestly been going stir-crazy not being out and about and working!  My radiation nurse encouraged me to be as active as I feel I can be and I will know my limit.  So, this week I have been working from home lots and I have even gone in a couple times to work! I'm so excited!  I really missed my Oaklane family!! 

Just so you are aware, I made my decision on chemotherapy.  It really wasn't too difficult of a decision, after I started researching and praying about it.  I figure let's tackle this with all the resources we have available to us.  Yes, I may have days where I don't feel well and we will have to be slightly more conscious of the people I'm exposed to.  But in all honesty, like the nurse said, we are fortunate that it's getting to be Springtime and flu season has passed; all in God's timing! 

So, we go up on Friday for a radiation "verification" session, where they make sure the mask and mouth piece fit and are all aligned properly with the radiation beams.  And my first actual day of both radiation and chemotherapy is Monday, April 1st! 

Tonight, Danielle is hosting the first planning meeting for my benefit that her and my family and friends are throwing, in order to raise funds for my medical bills.  It's strange, but I have no doubt that all will work out financially.  I was nervous about it all right after we got home from the hospital; you see, we haven't gotten all that far in the Dave Ramsey baby steps.  Even though we were working hard to pay off debt, we still have quite a bit left to pay down.  And after I logged into my online health insurance claims website and saw that many of the amounts billed to my insurance were posted, totally over $80,000, I honestly started to get a little worried.  But all Travis could do was laugh.  He just kept telling me that "God will provide." After lots of prayer and my husband holding me accountable, we both feel at such peace with the bills.  If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that I'm not in control, God is.  And I need to trust in his provision for us. 

Matthew 6:26-27 says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" 

I hope you have a wonderful last week of March, friends!  Remember to live your life for Christ and that you are not in control.  :-) 

God bless,
Alicia

God will provide us all our needs! 

Encouragement Through This Storm

I had a slight break down today.  It didn't last long though... The devil was once again trying to get a foothold and get me doubting.  I was tired, not feeling well, and emotional.  So I cried.  And cried.  And then called Danielle.  I am SO thankful for her friendship!!  She isn't just my best friend, though; she's my sister, counselor, accountability partner, and mostly, one of the deepest Christian women I know.  I know that I can always count on her to lift me up!  So, I called Danielle...

After admitting to her my fear of tomorrow and admitting that I just didn't feel as strong as I needed to be, she comforted me, provided me with the wisdom that I needed to immeditely turn to God's Word after getting off the phone, and we talked about something her and I both separately have been feeling.  Just a bit of background that only Danielle and Travis know- over the past year or maybe even longer, I had been thinking about women's ministry as a career path.  I love getting up in front of groups of people and presenting a great message, I love encouraging women and helping them realize their full potential, and I knew deep down that God was calling me to do something.  So a few months ago, I started a young women's Bible Study at my church.  We've had decent attendance and it's a wonderful blessing to facilitate this.  But I've always felt God calling me to do more; I truly believe God is calling me write a book and/or travel and share God's Word at women's conferences and churches around the country.  Danielle and I have talked about this often and I've always come up with substancial excuses: what could I possibly have to speak to these women about that will challenge them in a new way?!  I didn't have a 'platform.' Financially, we just needed me to have a consistent, full-time paycheck.  We didn't have enough faith to allow God to work.  The excuses went on and on... Well, after this health experience, I would say God might have a perfect plan; I now have a platform and enough faith to immediately say "yes, God" rather than "let me see what I can do, God."  This provided me with such encouragement!  God is in complete control of this situation, and because of this experience, I will be more on fire than ever for Christ! 

After I got off phone with her, I dove directly into God's Holy Word.  As I prayed and worshipped God through studying, all I could do is cry out and raise my hands to a Holy God.  Confessing my sins and devoting my whole being to His servanthood, I felt God's presence in the lobby of our hotel!  I flipped my Bible open and started reading the first thing I could find...

"No on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border bwetween Samaria and Galilee.  As he was going into a village, ten men who had leporacy met him.  They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice.  Jesus, Master, have pity on us!  When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yoursevles to the priests.  And as they went, they were cleansed.  One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.  He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him- and he was a Smaritan.  Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed?  Where are the other nine?  Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?  The he said to him, 'Rise and go: your faith has made you well."  ~Luke 17:11-19

Rise and go: your faith has made you well. 

Then I read: "Then they came to Jericho.  As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus was sitting by the roadside begging.  When he heard that is was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"  Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Jesus stopped and said, "Call him."  So they called ot the blind man, "Cheer up!  On your feet!  He's calling you."  Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.  "What do you want me to do for you? Jesus asked him.  The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see."  "Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately, he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.  ~Mark 10: 46-52

Go, your faith has healed you. 

Finally, I read: "While he was saying this, a ruler came and knelt before him and said, 'My daughter has just died.  But come and put your hand on her, and she will live.'  Jesus got up and went with him, and so did his disciples.  Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak.  She said to herself, 'If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.' Jesus turned and saw her.  "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you."  And the woman was healed from that moment.  When Jesus entered the ruler's house and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd, he said, "Go away. The girl is not dead, but asleep."  But they laughed at him.  After the crowd has been put outside, he went in and took the girl by the hand, and she got up. News of this spead through all that region.  ~Matthew 9:18-26

Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.

I've heard it said that God never gives you more than you can handle.  But wait, I'm here to say that maybe He does...  You see, I'm a stubborn, independent woman.  I like to be in total control.  I'm talented and educated and it's easy to lean on my own understanding.  I think that maybe God had no choice but to give me more than I can handle.  So I admit it, I can't control this situation; I am unable to do this one on my own.  I have no choice but to rely on God!!  :-)  I'm thinking He knows what He's doin', how about you?!  So, I'm awake to His awesomeness now!  He's got my attention!  And now I'm giving it all to Him.  I have complete faith that He is alive and moving and has a huge plan for my future.  And like I read in my study, I know that by that faith in God, I will be healed of this! 

Thank you to all of my supportive family, friends, church family, and community for lifting me up in prayers!  I appreciate all of your encouraging words and thoughts.  I'm going to come thorugh this with a wonderful testimony to share, so look out!  :-) 

God bless,
Alicia

A Bump in the Road

I can’t sleep.  I woke up with those pesky little doubts in my head; I know that’s Satan just trying to get me down.  You see, I’ve had headaches for the past few months and what I call “spells.”  I get dizzy and lightheaded, can’t see very well, have a weird taste in my mouth, and just have to sit down and let the time pass.  Then the headaches come.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had about 2 or 3 spells a day and the pain from the headaches were almost unbearable enough to go to the ER.  Last Wednesday, I had an MRI scan on my brain, to see if something was wrong.  They found a mass growing in the right side of my brain.  At this point, we don’t know what type of tumor it is; cancerous or not, fast-growing or slow, etc.  So we have little idea on what to expect.  Tomorrow morning (Wednesday), the neurosurgeon will complete a temporal craniotomy tumor resection.  Man does that sound fancy!  I guess it kind of is… it’s brain surgery after all.  J  I can’t lie and say that I’m not a bit nervous for this.  But due to not knowing what kind of tumor we’re dealing with, I know that this surgery is our best bet.  So here I am, sitting in our hotel room at 4:00 in the morning, unable to sleep. I’ve done research on this type of surgery, know the risks, understand the benefits, and am putting my faith in God and my surgeons. 

I feel so normal, but I’m just not.  I have a tumor growing inside of my brain.  It’s kind of surreal.   But I have faith that this too shall pass.  You see, I’m a young mommy and wife.  I love Jesus more than anything.  I like laughing and thoroughly enjoy life.  I have an amazing family and support community; we are so blessed to have Danielle and Caleb, Tanner and Ashley, and our church family.  We also have the best family ever; they might be crazy and overwhelming at times, but they are the most giving and caring people in the world!  I know that I will have a testimony to share when I’m through this bump.  People will listen to how Jesus was able to work through this situation; how He carried me through it and how I was able to hold onto Him.  Jesus is right here beside me.  He has already carried my ultimate burden and is now willing to carry me in my physical body.  I have lots of life left to live.  I must raise my son to know Jesus and to walk daily with Him.  Lucas will one day do amazing things for Christ.  I must be a strong faith example for Travis, so He grows in wisdom and faith in Christ.  One day, Travis will be a strong leader in Christ and lead not on his own understanding but on Christ’s.  I know that God has placed me right here beside him to be his helper.  Mom has bounced back and forth in her faith life; I know deep down she has always believed and held to Christ.  She’s just not sold out.  I know that I can make a difference in her Christian Walk, by encouraging her and showing her God’s strength. 

My life has been hard, but I’ve always bounced back.  I have always looked up at those beautiful twinkling stars and remembered that I am a servant to a huge, powerful God.  I serve a God who knows exactly how many hairs are on my head, but created gravity and turns a tiny cell into a human being.  What do I seriously have to worry about?!  This tumor is so tiny and insignificant compared to my God!  God will give my surgeons skilled hands and my recovery will be speedy, for I have a testimony to share.  I am ready to be more fervent than ever in my faith life; to speak out and up about Christ’s Truths and to show love those lost.  It’s our jobs as Christians.  So I’m viewing tomorrow as the first day of the rest of my life; to speak more loudly than ever about Christ and to live a sold-out life for Him!  He is alive and working and I am proof!! 

God bless,

Alicia