February 26, 2013

A Bump in the Road

I can’t sleep.  I woke up with those pesky little doubts in my head; I know that’s Satan just trying to get me down.  You see, I’ve had headaches for the past few months and what I call “spells.”  I get dizzy and lightheaded, can’t see very well, have a weird taste in my mouth, and just have to sit down and let the time pass.  Then the headaches come.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had about 2 or 3 spells a day and the pain from the headaches were almost unbearable enough to go to the ER.  Last Wednesday, I had an MRI scan on my brain, to see if something was wrong.  They found a mass growing in the right side of my brain.  At this point, we don’t know what type of tumor it is; cancerous or not, fast-growing or slow, etc.  So we have little idea on what to expect.  Tomorrow morning (Wednesday), the neurosurgeon will complete a temporal craniotomy tumor resection.  Man does that sound fancy!  I guess it kind of is… it’s brain surgery after all.  J  I can’t lie and say that I’m not a bit nervous for this.  But due to not knowing what kind of tumor we’re dealing with, I know that this surgery is our best bet.  So here I am, sitting in our hotel room at 4:00 in the morning, unable to sleep. I’ve done research on this type of surgery, know the risks, understand the benefits, and am putting my faith in God and my surgeons. 

I feel so normal, but I’m just not.  I have a tumor growing inside of my brain.  It’s kind of surreal.   But I have faith that this too shall pass.  You see, I’m a young mommy and wife.  I love Jesus more than anything.  I like laughing and thoroughly enjoy life.  I have an amazing family and support community; we are so blessed to have Danielle and Caleb, Tanner and Ashley, and our church family.  We also have the best family ever; they might be crazy and overwhelming at times, but they are the most giving and caring people in the world!  I know that I will have a testimony to share when I’m through this bump.  People will listen to how Jesus was able to work through this situation; how He carried me through it and how I was able to hold onto Him.  Jesus is right here beside me.  He has already carried my ultimate burden and is now willing to carry me in my physical body.  I have lots of life left to live.  I must raise my son to know Jesus and to walk daily with Him.  Lucas will one day do amazing things for Christ.  I must be a strong faith example for Travis, so He grows in wisdom and faith in Christ.  One day, Travis will be a strong leader in Christ and lead not on his own understanding but on Christ’s.  I know that God has placed me right here beside him to be his helper.  Mom has bounced back and forth in her faith life; I know deep down she has always believed and held to Christ.  She’s just not sold out.  I know that I can make a difference in her Christian Walk, by encouraging her and showing her God’s strength. 

My life has been hard, but I’ve always bounced back.  I have always looked up at those beautiful twinkling stars and remembered that I am a servant to a huge, powerful God.  I serve a God who knows exactly how many hairs are on my head, but created gravity and turns a tiny cell into a human being.  What do I seriously have to worry about?!  This tumor is so tiny and insignificant compared to my God!  God will give my surgeons skilled hands and my recovery will be speedy, for I have a testimony to share.  I am ready to be more fervent than ever in my faith life; to speak out and up about Christ’s Truths and to show love those lost.  It’s our jobs as Christians.  So I’m viewing tomorrow as the first day of the rest of my life; to speak more loudly than ever about Christ and to live a sold-out life for Him!  He is alive and working and I am proof!! 

God bless,

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