We've all heard the line, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." This phrase has been spoken to me many times since my diagnosis and it makes me cringe each time I hear it. I know it's always spoken out of love and from a good heart, from people who want to say something to comfort but don't quite have the words.
But I prefer to think about tough times from a different perspective. Maybe it's true that God Himself doesn't necessarily send more than we can handle. Only good things come from God. I do believe, however, that God allows Satan to give us more than we can handle. God allowed Jesus more than he could handle; all of our sins laid upon this perfect, sinless man. But Jesus knew he could get the strength to continue from God alone. So why would we think that we are so special as to not have more than we can handle placed upon us?!
God allows us to have more than we can handle so that we can learn turn to Him for strength and comfort and give Him the reins of our lives. Only in our hardest, darkest moments do we really turn to God in such a way that we bow down at His throne and give all our hopes, dreams, and lives fully to Him. So, I'm here to say, I'm so thankful that God has given me more than I can handle. Through the messy, hard moments, I have learned that life is so much more manageable when He's fully in control.
When I heard the diagnosis of brain cancer, my whole life as I knew it came crashing down. All of my dreams were stopped dead in their tracks. It changed the way I looked at every situation, every activity I was involved in, and the people around me. This may sound crazy, but I truly am so thankful for this cancer. I'm at peace knowing that I've learned to give control of my life to God. I no longer take life for granted; I enjoy the people around me in new ways, I appreciate the little moments of joy more, I don't participate in things just because people want or expect me to but rather because I enjoy them, and I have learned to live each day with a passion and fire that I never had before. I see each day as an opportunity to make a difference, rather than as a day to get through.
Life is short and can be taken at any moment. Our community learned this lesson this week, as a wonderful woman's life was cut short due to cancer. Sharri understood the importance of loving her family and friends while she still had an opportunity to. She remained joyful despite the Doctor's prognosis. She cherished each moment that God gave her. I was impacted by Sharri's life, as I know were many others. We can only hope our lives are as fruitful!
I challenge you to live this week in such a way that you appreciate and cherish each moment God gives you!!
March 9, 2014
March 6, 2014
Prayer for Our Husbands
I preference this blog post by stating that I indeed have my hubby's permission to share this story. You see, my life is an open book on this blog. I share my deepest emotions, moments of excruciating pain and of awe-inspiring joy, and photos of the ones I love the most. I pray that through honestly sharing my life with you all, the tears, the joys, the anxious moments, and more, that I am able to make a positive impact in this dark world. But if any of you know my wonderful husband, Travis, it's a bit of a different story. He's a quiet guy who's just fine listening to conversations rather than joining in. He's very reflective and likes to think things through before expressing his opinions. He's the type who will answer questions honestly if you ask, but he won't necessarily just come out and start a conversation about too much, especially his emotions. I wouldn't want Travis to be any other way, but I felt the need to let my readers know that he has given me permission to share this with you all.
Travis has been a Church attender since he was a little guy. His Mom made sure that he knew Jesus, and I respect my Mother-in-law so much for the emphasis she placed on that as Travis grew up. But he hasn't always been the most open about his walk with Christ. I'm kind-of ashamed to say this, but we weren't the type of dating couple that did Bible Studies together and had deep conversations about God. We've both had our individual relationships with Christ, but he's generally not too willing to talk about his faith, especially outside of Bible study or with his buddies.
Travis is a servant, though, and has served communion for a couple years at our church and is always willing to help whenever needed. This year, he was voted onto our church's Board as a Deacon. He's only served a couple months in this way, but was asked to give the communion meditation this past Sunday. The week before, he reminded me that he had to do it and I told him to let me know if he needed any help. We didn't talk about it again until Saturday night, when I asked him if he had anything prepared. He said "Yes, but you'll hear it when everyone else does." I was nervous Sunday morning, as I didn't know what he had prepared. All I could do was pray that God give him the words.
As Travis walked up to the platform and took the covers off the communion trays, I was frozen in disbelieve that my husband was giving a meditation in front of people. This is the man who a few years ago wouldn't even pray in Bible Study. But there he was, standing at the front of the church. He started off by preferencing that he's a little nervous because this is the first time he's given the meditation. He went on to share the story of how he was talking to the guys at work about how he was asked to give the communion meditation at church. A young co-worker of his, who's new to his faith and a baby in Christ, said he was surprised to discover that Travis was a believer. He said that he would have never guessed that Travis went to Church. Travis shared with the congregation how this really hit him and made him realize how little he shares his walk with Christ. The men he spends 40+ hours with each week, some weeks more time with than his family, didn't even know that he was a Christ-follower. Travis said he was really using this as a wake-up call, and challenged us to do so as well.
Some of us live in such a way that those around us wouldn't separate us as Christians. Some of us proclaim the name of Christ loudly, and then choose behaviors that make others question whether being a Christ-follower even matters. I pray that his story makes as much of an impact on you as it did to me.
My husband's words shook my core. You see, I have been whispering quiet prayers to God for Travis for many years; prayers for his choices and actions, for his patience, for his career, and for his faith-walk. I am overjoyed to see such honest and open words pour from his mouth. And I pray that his faith in and relationship with Christ only continues to deepen. Prayer matters, ladies, and I challenge you tonight to say a quick prayer for your husband. Be his helper. Forgive him. Live in purity and faith so much that they are won over to Christ because of it (1 Peter 3:2).
Wives, please join me tonight as we pray for our husbands:
Lord God, I come to you tonight in prayer for the man whom I was created for- as you said woman is made from the rib of the man. I pray that I am the best helper I can be for him, as you created me to serve in this way. I thank you for a husband who will love me even as Christ loved the church. Father, you said that the head of every man is Christ, and tonight I pray that my husband give control of his life to you. Lord, I pray that he be a godly leader in our family and lead our children to you. I thank you for all the things my husband does to make our home stable and safe. I pray that you give him knowledge, wisdom, and strength so that he can make godly choices in our home and in his workplace. Silence all other voices in his mind, and his social circle that would tear him down and please give him confidence and boldness in you Lord. Let him be a man of influence for you, dear God. Help him to be a light in this dark world. Again, I thank you for my husband. I ask all these things in Jesus' Holy name. Amen.
Travis has been a Church attender since he was a little guy. His Mom made sure that he knew Jesus, and I respect my Mother-in-law so much for the emphasis she placed on that as Travis grew up. But he hasn't always been the most open about his walk with Christ. I'm kind-of ashamed to say this, but we weren't the type of dating couple that did Bible Studies together and had deep conversations about God. We've both had our individual relationships with Christ, but he's generally not too willing to talk about his faith, especially outside of Bible study or with his buddies.
Travis is a servant, though, and has served communion for a couple years at our church and is always willing to help whenever needed. This year, he was voted onto our church's Board as a Deacon. He's only served a couple months in this way, but was asked to give the communion meditation this past Sunday. The week before, he reminded me that he had to do it and I told him to let me know if he needed any help. We didn't talk about it again until Saturday night, when I asked him if he had anything prepared. He said "Yes, but you'll hear it when everyone else does." I was nervous Sunday morning, as I didn't know what he had prepared. All I could do was pray that God give him the words.
As Travis walked up to the platform and took the covers off the communion trays, I was frozen in disbelieve that my husband was giving a meditation in front of people. This is the man who a few years ago wouldn't even pray in Bible Study. But there he was, standing at the front of the church. He started off by preferencing that he's a little nervous because this is the first time he's given the meditation. He went on to share the story of how he was talking to the guys at work about how he was asked to give the communion meditation at church. A young co-worker of his, who's new to his faith and a baby in Christ, said he was surprised to discover that Travis was a believer. He said that he would have never guessed that Travis went to Church. Travis shared with the congregation how this really hit him and made him realize how little he shares his walk with Christ. The men he spends 40+ hours with each week, some weeks more time with than his family, didn't even know that he was a Christ-follower. Travis said he was really using this as a wake-up call, and challenged us to do so as well.
Some of us live in such a way that those around us wouldn't separate us as Christians. Some of us proclaim the name of Christ loudly, and then choose behaviors that make others question whether being a Christ-follower even matters. I pray that his story makes as much of an impact on you as it did to me.
My husband's words shook my core. You see, I have been whispering quiet prayers to God for Travis for many years; prayers for his choices and actions, for his patience, for his career, and for his faith-walk. I am overjoyed to see such honest and open words pour from his mouth. And I pray that his faith in and relationship with Christ only continues to deepen. Prayer matters, ladies, and I challenge you tonight to say a quick prayer for your husband. Be his helper. Forgive him. Live in purity and faith so much that they are won over to Christ because of it (1 Peter 3:2).
Wives, please join me tonight as we pray for our husbands:
Lord God, I come to you tonight in prayer for the man whom I was created for- as you said woman is made from the rib of the man. I pray that I am the best helper I can be for him, as you created me to serve in this way. I thank you for a husband who will love me even as Christ loved the church. Father, you said that the head of every man is Christ, and tonight I pray that my husband give control of his life to you. Lord, I pray that he be a godly leader in our family and lead our children to you. I thank you for all the things my husband does to make our home stable and safe. I pray that you give him knowledge, wisdom, and strength so that he can make godly choices in our home and in his workplace. Silence all other voices in his mind, and his social circle that would tear him down and please give him confidence and boldness in you Lord. Let him be a man of influence for you, dear God. Help him to be a light in this dark world. Again, I thank you for my husband. I ask all these things in Jesus' Holy name. Amen.
February 27, 2014
Such a blessing!!
This month, I received a couple large checks from Rozetta Baptist Church to help me with my chemo pills!! This gift to my family means that 6 months of pills are paid for!! I cannot express to you enough how much this means to us! THANK YOU all so much for your love, support, and prayers through this process! This gift has taken SO much stress off our chest and I feel like I can now breath easier knowing that I can continue these chemotherapy treatments without having to worry about the finances.
I feel so loved and blessed to live in this community! And I thank you all for your prayers and love! I just wanted you to know that I so appreciate this and feel very blessed!
I feel so loved and blessed to live in this community! And I thank you all for your prayers and love! I just wanted you to know that I so appreciate this and feel very blessed!
February 25, 2014
One Year Mark
This Thursday marks one year since my surgery to remove the brain tumor (Trixie, we called her) and my later diagnosis of brain cancer! I can't believe we've hit the one year mark already! This past year has been an absolute whirlwind, but so many blessings have come out of it.
First of all, because of my realization that this life can so quickly be gone, I have refocused my priorities. Before my diagnosis, I was so focused on making money and on work that I often put my relationships with Christ, Travis, family, and friends on the back-burner. I worked so hard that I came home exhausted with no energy for the people who really mattered. Now, I recognize that work is still an important part of life, but it must be focused on leading people to Christ and I must have enough left after my workday for Travis and Lucas!
I have learned to rely on Christ alone and my relationship to Him has been radically deepened. I have recognized that I cannot do this life by my own strength. Life is too much to handle to do it alone. He is now in complete control of my life. I pray daily for direction and for His guidance in my decisions. I pray for the Holy Spirit to work in my life each day, leading me where He has planned.
Not only has my relationship with Christ grown stronger, but my relationships with friends and family have intensified. I have truly realized the importance of sticking together, serving one another, and putting others before my own needs. Before, I was so focused on our finances and goals that I often forgot how important it is to spend time with and uplift those around me. Now, I have been more purposeful in my friendships, setting aside time for those who matter; whether it be a lunch date, evening visit, quick phone call, facebook message, or letter, this year I have focused more on my friends and family than ever before. As a result, I see my friendships deepening and myself connecting on deeper level with family members. I pray this only continues as the years go by.
This year has also led me to long for Christ and my Heavenly Home! I have realized that this place is not my home. I will continue on Earth for only a short time, and I long for the days when all I do is sing praises to my Creator! In my final days on Earth, however long that may be, I will praise God through my actions, words, and thoughts. I know that my time is short, but I will use each hour I'm given in a purposeful way, in order to show people Christ through my life! I pray today, dear reader, that you have committed your life to Christ as well.
Thank you all for your continued prayers, love, and encouragement as I live each day to the fullest. Remember, friends, the best is yet to come!
God bless you,
Alicia
First of all, because of my realization that this life can so quickly be gone, I have refocused my priorities. Before my diagnosis, I was so focused on making money and on work that I often put my relationships with Christ, Travis, family, and friends on the back-burner. I worked so hard that I came home exhausted with no energy for the people who really mattered. Now, I recognize that work is still an important part of life, but it must be focused on leading people to Christ and I must have enough left after my workday for Travis and Lucas!
I have learned to rely on Christ alone and my relationship to Him has been radically deepened. I have recognized that I cannot do this life by my own strength. Life is too much to handle to do it alone. He is now in complete control of my life. I pray daily for direction and for His guidance in my decisions. I pray for the Holy Spirit to work in my life each day, leading me where He has planned.
Not only has my relationship with Christ grown stronger, but my relationships with friends and family have intensified. I have truly realized the importance of sticking together, serving one another, and putting others before my own needs. Before, I was so focused on our finances and goals that I often forgot how important it is to spend time with and uplift those around me. Now, I have been more purposeful in my friendships, setting aside time for those who matter; whether it be a lunch date, evening visit, quick phone call, facebook message, or letter, this year I have focused more on my friends and family than ever before. As a result, I see my friendships deepening and myself connecting on deeper level with family members. I pray this only continues as the years go by.
This year has also led me to long for Christ and my Heavenly Home! I have realized that this place is not my home. I will continue on Earth for only a short time, and I long for the days when all I do is sing praises to my Creator! In my final days on Earth, however long that may be, I will praise God through my actions, words, and thoughts. I know that my time is short, but I will use each hour I'm given in a purposeful way, in order to show people Christ through my life! I pray today, dear reader, that you have committed your life to Christ as well.
Thank you all for your continued prayers, love, and encouragement as I live each day to the fullest. Remember, friends, the best is yet to come!
God bless you,
Alicia
February 20, 2014
That's What Faith Can Do
This song is so perfect for today, as a friend also battling cancer was given terrible news about her prognosis and my Father-in-law is in the ICU with a medical condition. As I sat at my desk at work and this song came across Pandora, all I could do was cry and thank God for His faithfulness and gentle reminder that my big faith in Him can indeed move mountains, heal the sick, and cause miracles to happen. Please pray with me today for Sharri and Ed!
Please enjoy the following lyrics from Kutless' song "That's What Faith Can Do"
Everybody falls sometime
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
Please enjoy the following lyrics from Kutless' song "That's What Faith Can Do"
Everybody falls sometime
From the ashes
And make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
February 5, 2014
God is the Reason...
God is the reason why
even in pain, I smile;
in confusion, I understand;
and in fear, I continue to fight!
- Author Unknown
God truly is the reason. He's the reason I wake up each morning; I've taken a vow to represent Him each day and love people in His name. He's the reason I smile at people, hoping to be a ray of sunshine in a dark world. God's the reason I am able to understand that difficult situations only bring us closer to Him and each other. Honestly, God's the only reason that I'm able to continue this fight!
God, thank you for carrying me through this difficult season in my life. Thank you for my family, friends, mentors, and church. Lord, I give it all over to you; the burdens I carry are too heavy and you have offered to take them. Thank you. You are my strength and my hope, my joy and my reason for everything.
God, to you be the praise!
even in pain, I smile;
in confusion, I understand;
and in fear, I continue to fight!
- Author Unknown
God truly is the reason. He's the reason I wake up each morning; I've taken a vow to represent Him each day and love people in His name. He's the reason I smile at people, hoping to be a ray of sunshine in a dark world. God's the reason I am able to understand that difficult situations only bring us closer to Him and each other. Honestly, God's the only reason that I'm able to continue this fight!
God, thank you for carrying me through this difficult season in my life. Thank you for my family, friends, mentors, and church. Lord, I give it all over to you; the burdens I carry are too heavy and you have offered to take them. Thank you. You are my strength and my hope, my joy and my reason for everything.
God, to you be the praise!
February 4, 2014
Tonight, I Ask For Prayer
Tonight, I'm blogging to simply as you for prayer. You see, I had a rough visit to the doctor today and am kind of down tonight as a result. I am being heavily attacked by Satan and could really use your prayers for God's peace on my life.
My oncology doctor has been offered a position at Penn State as the Director of their cancer clinic. This is a wonderful opportunity for him and I am thankful for the time I was able to spend as his patient. In the period until they find a replacement, Dr. Carlisle, my former oncologist, who retired this year, is coming out of retirement to help care for Dr. Hohl's patients. I very much respect and trust my current doctor so it was hard news for me to take that yet again I will be switching.
Because of how much I respect him, I asked Dt. Hohl his opinion of what he would recommend if all continues to look good on my brain scans (my next scan is in March). He said that with my aggressive form of brain cancer, he would like to see me continue chemo for an extended time (potentially through next April), since my body is handling it well and if finances would allow. But he is concerned if I stop chemo too soon another tumor will resurface quickly. So, it seems as if I might be continuing chemo for awhile longer. Of course, this is not the course that I must definitely take and depends of many factors including my scan in March and Dr. Carlisle's opinion.
I am struggling tonight most of all due to the the stress of the financial burden that continuing chemo for another year would place on us. We are currently paying $300 out-of-pocket each month for my five nights of Chemo on top of a substantial insurance premium. We are simply not mathematically able to put $300 in our monthly budget for the next year. However, I MUST trust that God will provide every need, including this.
Although I'm just slightly overwhelmed this evening at all of this new information, I knew directly what to turn to: Godly Friends and God's Word. Right away after returning home from my appointment, I tore open my Bible and dug deep into the Word, as well as emailed some important Christian mentors asking them to pray for me. I know that I must fully turn this situation over to the Author of this story! Please pray for me to do just that.
In closing, I end with some verses that helped me through tonight:
"Submit to God and you will have peace; then things will go well for you." ~Job 22:21
"The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace." ~Psalm 29:11
"But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm." ~Proverbs 1:33
"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he's done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hears and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." ~1 Peter 4:12
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