To say it bluntly, you have made an absolute mess of your life. Your selfishness and addictive personality have gotten you into some terrible situations and I fear that you don't even realize how awful the life you're living really is. I remember a time in your life where you were successful; you had a beautiful wife and young daughter, a thriving carpet business, and life was good. Because of your addiction and pride, all of those good things are gone.
You are not invincible! One day, the way you're living will catch up to you. Death is inevitable, but the way you are living is encouraging it to come sooner. All of us have an option on where we would like to spend eternity. I pray that you change your life and learn to rely on Christ before your time comes to cross over into the other side of eternity.
Dad, you will never be able to overcome your addictions and life issues on your own. You simply aren't strong enough. None of us have the strength to change our sinful ways of living on our own. The only way you can have hope to overcome your disease is through giving up control; allow Jesus to truly work in you and develop a personal relationship with the only true Savior. Drugs and alcohol won't save you. Sex and women won't save you. Religion and rule following won't save you. The only thing that can bring you out of the mess you're in is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Dad, seek Him out. TRULY search for Him; not just to gain good behavior points in prison, but in order to really develop a friendship with Him!
Dad, I want you to know that I have forgiven you. I've forgiven you for the time you called me a loser and told me that 'I would amount to nothing in my life, just like my loser mom.' I have forgiven you for not being there for me; at my graduations, my wedding, and to see Lucas being born. I have forgiven you for causing years of sleepless nights due to screaming matches in the living room, and for the many times I witnessed you beating Mom until she was black and blue. I forgive you, not because you deserve forgiveness; rather, I forgive you because I myself have been forgiven. Christ died for me, and He died for even you. He died for us when we were still sinners. I have been forgiven and now I am doing the same for you.
More than forgiving you, I thank you; I thank you for making me strong. I thank you for me having to learn early on in my life to rely on my Heavenly Father who was always present. And I thank you for bringing Mom and I close.
I pray daily for you, Dad. It's not too late to change. God loves you just as much as He loves me and if you were willing, He would walk you through your struggles until you were clean and sober. You just need a willing heart and need to rely on good, Godly mentors and God himself to pull you through.
Please know that despite all you have put me through, I will always have room for you in my heart. I must protect my heart and my family, though. That's why I can't get too close to you right now. As I have told you many times before, I would gladly accept you back into my life if you could come to me with your NA/AA sponsors and tell me that you've been clean and sober for 3 or 5 years. Until then though, I must keep my distance. For now, I will continue to pray that God stir and soften your heart, in order that He may enter in.